a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think I sprained my soul last night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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