She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
