I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
