i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
