Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
