i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
