I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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