Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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