I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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