chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
