WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
