So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
