I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
