I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
