Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
