I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
