No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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