her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
