I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
