dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
