Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
