he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
