i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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