one might say we're banned from that church
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
