Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
