the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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