what if every blade of grass was a penis?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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