You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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