normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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