He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Randomize
