thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
