I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
