today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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