I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
