i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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