I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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