It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
