I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
