Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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