so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
