you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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