maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
