Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
