soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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