I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
