can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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