is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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