the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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