her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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