He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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