It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
